Reconnaissance with Ryk (likewise Lou) at Temptation Cafe

April 19th.

Few could have predicted what would happen on Saturday 19th April.

Both myself and Louis Browne can count ourselves fortunate that when placed in a situation that occurs less frequently than Halley's Comet, we were with someone that has been studying the dark arts of improvisation for over a year. When you stumble across something that has no right to be there, when an event occurs that should never happen, when you end up somewhere that shouldn't really exist, the only thing you can do is improvise. And with Ryk Waters, improvise we did.

It had been a fairly standard breakfast. Ryk, a fellow member of Kemp Town F.C., had given me some good advice with regards to improving my life. Basically, all that needs to be done is to use the responses "thanks a latte!" and "tea-riffic!" when receiving the appropriate hot beverage in a cafe environment. It's as simple as that. Set phasers to pun. The three of us (for we were joined by club captain Lou) also chatted about exercise, standing on logs, and future TV hit Hangover Quest (Ready Steady Cook contested by those suffering from deep existential crises). It was all going to plan, up until we made the fateful decision to leave central Brighton and head up towards Hanover.

We had decided to go up to Hanover to seek a venue where Lou could watch some football in the close vicinity of his girlfriend's house. Ryk suggested The Constant Service, and so we began our ascent up from the base camp of Grand Parade, traversing the treacherous slope of Albion Hill. Hills; so often portrayed as an otherworld in folklore and traditional storytelling. Hills are an escape, a retreat, a wilderness away from the intrigues and rush of urban dwelling. The hills are a nowhere when unimaginable things can and do happen. It is in the hills where prophets can have their visions and the unwary can meet their end at the hands of fantastical beasts.

A combination of these two things occured to us on that fateful day. We encountered the Hanover Plug.

Artist's impression of the Hanover Plug

Many have spoken of the Hanover Plug, always in hushed tones. Songs have been sung. Carvings have been made. Intricate carvings, by rustic artisans and penniless wordsmiths. Carvings upon the collective consciousness of generations. All of the generations. Despite the indelible effect that the Hanover Plug has had upon Sussex, vast numbers dispute its very existence. Many a time has an individual descended from a journey into those very hills, told others of that sighting that he had made, only for his story to be dismissed as the ravings of a madman. He's crazy, the people say. He's suffering from a lack of oxygen, or overexposure to puns. They pat him on his head and send him on his way if he is lucky, otherwise he will be cast out of the city, pelted with stones, and forced to write his breakfast blog from the safety of a thorn bush on the Downs.

Well, if there's one thing you choose to believe from this blog entry, let it be the review of the breakfast. But if you have space in your heart ready for all of the truth in our world, then please believe me when I write this: that day, we three saw the Hanover Plug.

And so, the breakfast:

Vegetarian Breakfast

Griddled halloumi, balsamic field mushrooms, wilted spinach, roasted tomatoes, free range Sussex eggs as you like them, fresh toast and baked beans

Vegetarian Breakfast - £8.95

"When you cook them right / Such a delight"

Louis Browne

Temptation Cafe was a pleasant place to spend a Saturday morning. Although it felt somewhat like a canteen at a college or uni (the combination of the furniture and flooring), this was offset by fine musical choices, local art on the walls and knitted tea cosies that resembled moles burrowing out of the ground.

It was also a pleasure to have halloumi served as part of the breakfast. The halloumi on offer here was a classic example of how this could be the premium flesh option for the vegetarian; a rich salty flavour twinned with that smooth and chewy texture that has me salivating just thinking about it. This was perfectly cooked and set the tone for the rest of the dish.

21st Century Scott and Oates

Rich flavours were prevalent across the plate, thanks to some thoughtful cooking from the Temptation Cafe staff. The mushrooms too were cooked to perfection; soft but also chewable, with a strength to the tongue being underlined with a peppery aftertaste. The spinach also benefited from extra care in the kitchen, maintaining a freshness to touch but with an extra buttery comfort to them. Little intricacies like these went a long way in establishing the breakfast as a potent force.

There was a great variety of textures on offer to accompany those powerful rhythms making my tastebuds bop. The toast was carved softly by an artisan, providing a crunchy hug. The fruitiness of beans washed like running soup. The poached (though they could have been scrambled or fried) eggs were pure and lush, offering the silken explosion that I always yearn for. The tomatoes were sharp, their flesh felt bright in my mouth. The mouthfeel, oh the mouthfeel. It was top.

I'm not a fan of the M&S approach to making food seem special. No matter how many adjectives you add, Dorset sea-salt and cask-aged Balsamic vinegar is still going to be plain old salt and vinegar to me. Despite Temptation Cafe utilising this nefarious tactic, I was able to forgive them upon eating their wares. It was all well-cooked, with an air of care that came across on the plate. The only thing holding it back from greatness was the price, and perhaps that campus aura. Still, in a world of uncertainty, the Temptation Cafe can be held up as a place where you won't need to improvise in the fastbreaking stakes.

Function: warming and feisty - 4/5
Adherence to canon: Yes
Taste: rich and thoughtful - 5/5
Value: just about justifiable - 3/5
Presentation: practical and pretty - 4/5
Venue: could have been a bit more homely - 3/5

Overall: a tempting prospect if you're in the area - 4/5

 Let them know on Twitter if you've spotted the Hanover plug:
@rykwaters
@loubrowneIOW

Authentic or hoax?

#HanoverPlug

Lounging with Louise at the Alcampo Lounge

March 20th.

As my previous post alluded, Brighton moves fast. When I used to live just off of St. James' Street, I noticed one particular takeaway change its name at least five times in three years (my personal favourite name was Armani Kebabs). Another "blink-and-you'll-miss-it" moment was the surreal change that Sawadee Thai restaurant underwent, when it became an Italian for about a week before reverting to Thai. Inexplicable, especially as both its Thai and Italian incarnations provided delicious food. It was as though the owner had gone on holiday for a week, and whoever had been left in charge decided to go rogue, Colonel Kurtz-style.

One place in Brighton in particular that is currently undergoing a lot of change is London Road. Many old establishments have been receiving facelifts or flashy re-openings, and in other places new, exciting enterprises are starting up. There are new student residencies being built to open in the autumn, and so it looks as though lots of funds are being made available in order to have the area looking as enticing as possible for when the scholars come to town. One of these new, exciting enterprises is the Alcampo Lounge.

I had no idea that The Lounges were a chain. Heck, I didn't even notice that this place existed until Louise Wilde suggested we go there for our breakfast, despite walking down London Road on my way home from work most days. I first met Louise through my old friend and bandmate Olli, and when we played a series of benefit gigs for the Big Lemon bus company she made a couple of...erm...big lemons...for us to garnish the venues with. She is a very creative and enterprising lass with great skill, and if there was ever to be a further need for football-sized lemons then there are few people in Brighton better to call upon.

At the time of our meeting, Louise was searching for a different direction, a new vocation. This meant that she had a lot of free time and was spending a fair bit of it on the Internet. As I well know, the combination of free time and Internet often leads down the road of procrastination, but as Louise discovered procrastination is not always fruitless. During a particular session, she entered a competition and ended up winning a holiday to Switzerland! The moral to this story? Internet procrastination is definitely a good thing. I gave up YouTube for Lent in an attempt to be more productive, but as you may have noticed in the gap between blog posts here, this hasn't exactly been the case...

So we found ourselves sitting in the Alcampo Lounge, a mammoth place that sprung up overnight like a mutant snowdrop. It looked nice, with lots of comfy wooden furniture and sofas, and also featuring a book share in one corner. It felt ambitious. Its mere existence was a statement of intent. Would this ambition and intent be matched in its food?

And so, the breakfast:

Vegetarian Breakfast

Sweetcorn fritters, hash browns, grilled tomato, baked beans, button mushrooms, spinach, hummus, fried egg, and toast

Vegetarian Breakfast - £6.95

It looked pretty cool. The above photo should serve as an "after" shot; here is a "before":

It was as though the toast was a hat! This was pleasing. Also pleasing was the fact that I got a free filter coffee thrown in with the meal. Less pleasing was the absence of hummus in the mix, which would have been interesting to sample in a full cooked breakfast, but I was still to experience sweetcorn fritters for the first time, and for this I was thankful.

These then, the most exciting of the components, were first to be tried. They were pleasant; light, with a hint of coriander and a similarity to falafel in texture. They would not have been out of place as part of an Indian meal, and although the flavour wasn't strong they did provide a nice difference in texture to the plate.

Bonus tea too? Bribery!

The other carb-y elements, the toast and hash browns, were polar opposites to each other on the carbohydrate scale. The toast was soft and limp whilst the hash browns had a wonderful hard crispiness to their outer shells. This thin crunch gave way to lovely fluffy innards.

Unfortunately, many of the components charged with bringing strong flavours to the breakfast did not manage to rise to the occasion. The beans were slightly bland, and the egg, despite a bulbous yolk, had an anonymous white to it. The mushrooms were dry and tasted plain. The tomato had a good texture to it, soft, fleshy and warm, but lacked any sharpness.

Each of these items could have had an additional edge to them, which would really have made the breakfast a more exciting proposition. Only the spinach managed to achieve any kind of power in its flavour, being salty and rich. The care shown in the cooking of the spinach should have been extended to the rest of the dish.

A lot of flavours went missing (figuratively), and perhaps the dish would have been aided by the hummus not going missing (literally). Ultimately this breakfast was a case of something looking good on paper and not delivering on the plate. Talking the talk but failing to walk the walk. Is this an accusation that could be levelled at the Alcampo Lounge in general? Potentially. Both the venue and the meal seemingly rose swiftly out of nowhere in a glorious statement of intent, but both left me feeling slightly disappointed in the aftermath.

Function: lacking in fiery heart - 2/5
Adherence to canon: Yes
Taste: disappointingly shallow - 2/5
Value: decent amount matched in price - 3/5
Presentation: superbly laid out - 5/5
Venue: looks good, masking other shortcomings - 3/5

Overall: as powerful as lounge music - 3/5