Japes with John at Kensingtons

February 23rd.

It was time to take the project into the centre of Brighton, to one of its more 'classical' breakfast venues. Kensingtons was a place I had walked past countless times since I've lived in Brighton, situated as it is on the same street as the Oxfam bookshop and Resident Records, but until last Saturday I had never stepped foot inside. Thanks to John Alexander-Finch's suggestion this was all going to change.

John is a fellow graduate of Sussex University's Creative and Critical Writing MA whom I met through our creative workshop in the final term. Interestingly, he very briefly worked with Simon (from Breakfast No. 2) at his current place of work before realising that that sort of thing wasn't for him. I don't think it would be for me either. Us writers are delicate sorts.

John is a talented writer who is slowly approaching the end of writing a novel. Having only been in a workshop with him for the one term I hadn't read much of his work, but what I had had impressed me. Particularly as one short piece had focused on the astronauts involved with the moon landing, and I had not long before that been writing a term paper on outer space as a utopia. John's space knowledge is fairly sound. He was able to explain that water could be reused on-board space stations through being absorbed into the walls and then passed through various different modules, taking out the different properties of whatever the water contained and putting them to good use. Something like that. He didn't explain all this precisely, he just told me that you could spit down a corridor and it would get absorbed into the walls and reused, but such is his grasp of language that that was all he needed to say. So yes, he's a good writer.

He's been writing alongside another chap from the workshop, George, and they have been reading each others pieces and giving support throughout the duration of their projects. John gave a very good analogy to illustrate the writing process, comparing writing skill to a muscle. It needs to be exercised regularly, otherwise it won't be strong enough to hold anything up. As a result, it's important to make writing a routine thing, like exercise, in order to keep oneself strong and healthy. Hopefully by the end of the year my breakfast writing style will be well toned and able to keep on going for ages without running out of steam.

He's also looked into food writing as well, and has actually read articles by proper food writers, such as Dave Arnold. This made me slightly nervous; here was a guy that knew his food writing (and in particular mavericks with vigilante distillation skills) and he was going to be eventually casting a discerning eye over my own naive and ill-informed attempts. It would just be like presenting a piece at a creative writing workshop all over again! Apparently a lot of food writers make up new words, such as "mouthfeel", in order to describe what they've eaten. This was good news. The other words I picked up from our chatting about four-winged dinosaurs, the AA handbook, hernias and astronauts probably wouldn't be much use for describing the food of Kensingtons.

And so, the breakfast:

Big Veggie
2 fried eggs, 2 veg sausages, 2 veg bacon, fried tomato, beans, 1 hash brown, 2 slice of toast w/ butter - comes with a tea or filter coffee

Big Veggie - £6.95

So, let me draw your attention firstly to the fried eggs and the hash brown...wait, hold on one second! There aren't any fried eggs or a hash brown! Crikey. I don't know if this is par for the course with Kensingtons; it was quite a busy afternoon so I'm willing to give them the benefit of the doubt on this one. On the plus side the range of drinks you were able to select included fruit juice, and my friend Ben who was working there gave me a free coffee upon my arrival. So, let's just forget this little mix up ever happened, shall we?

John Alexander-Finch - he knows his Alan Partridge

Last time out I mentioned that there were two kinds of vegetarian sausages doing the rounds; those that attempted to emulate their meatier cousins and those that went their own way. These sausages were of the latter school, Glamorgans, and were very crunchy and crispy. They were all crunchy crispy and no mouthfeel in fact, which was a disappointment. They offered more than the veg bacon though, which was anonymous in the dish. Its addition was a bold statement, but there was no strong mouthfeel taste there to back it up. As a side note I am bemused by the fact that the bacon rind was recreated, as surely this is the bit that no one likes?! Other culprits that didn't bring much to the table in this dish were the scrambled eggs, which had a decent texture but weak flavour, and the tomato. I was surprised by the tomato as it looked wonderful, but swiftly I discovered that the red fruit's juices was muted.

This dish though was a meal of contrasts. The other components of the breakfast were some of the best I have so far experienced. The mushrooms had been cooked in rosemary and this gave them a rich soaring taste, scented and salty, that elevated them above the other components surrounding them on the plate. The toast was seeded and pre-buttered, making it both soft and crunchy in texture, almost juicy. The real triumph, however, was the baked beans, standing proudly in their own little pot. This served to keep them tremendously warm and prevented them from flooding over the other components, allowing the eater to apply their beans according to their own individual taste. Should you enjoy a bit of flooding then you could just dump them all over the place. If you have more restraint in your bean leanings you could pick and choose precisely where to strike, seeking out vulnerable areas in the breakfast and utilising the saucy haricots productively. The sauce itself was intensely good; it was simultaneously creamy and tangy, begging you to apply the beans to all corners of the plate with gusto. It was positively mouthfeel.

Overall, my experience of breakfast at Kensingtons was somewhat chaotic. The mild anxiety provided by a packed house and a dish that did not match up to its description on the menu contrasted with some wonderful (albeit biased) service and some individual moments of sublimity. The cafe was also laced with some of the most enticing food aromas I have experienced in such a venue. It was just a shame that it was not the weather for a seat on the balcony, upon which I am told there are superb people-watching opportunities to be had. All in all it felt as though Kensingtons had the potential to be as incredibly mouthfeel and life-affirming as a good fastbreaking venue can be, but unfortunately had wandered astray at a couple of crucial points.

It also transpired that John is an avid Alan Partridge fan. After re-watching a couple of episodes it seems that I am uncomfortably close to Norfolk's most famous son. I'm not going to lie, I am slightly concerned about myself.

Function: hearty in volume at least 3/5
Adherence to canon: Yes
Taste: the best and worst of breakfasts juxtaposed 3/5
Value: quite a bit there, but quality variable for price  2/5
Presentation: excellent use of pot as a 'breakwater for the beans' 4/5
Venue: top smells and staff (a coincidence?) 4/5

Overall: full of beans, just lacking in direction - 3/5