Eating with Ed (joined by Jasper) at Montpelier Cafe

February 3rd.

During the weekend before last I had a pleasant opportunity to fit a second breakfast in. Edward Knight was visiting Brighton on Saturday evening and interested in meeting up. The only time I was free was Sunday morning; the optimum time for a cooked breakfast.

Ed is a big deal round these parts. Whilst he lived in Brighton studying he was a key member of FC Søren Kierkegaard, my 5-a-side team, and later played bass in our band, The Sneaky Frog and the Scoundrel, where his bass parts would often form the starting point for our songs. The highlight of our short existence was when someone at a gig bought our EP for £40. This will probably remain the greatest amount of money I ever make as a musician.

Ed has another key string to his bow however;  he is now a published author. Writing is something that we normally talk about when we see each other (not so often now that he lives in London) and so it was unsurprising that this was on the table today, especially as this was the first time I had seen him since For Myra, For Iris was published. He told me about an instrument he owns called a charango which is traditionally made from armadillo shell (reportedly made by South Americans as an instrument small enough to conceal from Spanish conquistadors under their ponchos), but the most exciting thing we spoke about was his idea to start up a press.

Dark Windows Press, publishers of his book, are a very small-scale operation. As a small as one man pretty much, according to Ed, and the cost of a small run of a novel, say 50 copies, is around £250. Relatively cheap. With something like this, self-publishing, there is always the worry of people considering it to be a vanity project. But hey, we printed a small run of the Sneaky Frog and the Scoundrel's EP and managed to sell one copy (amongst others) for £40. What kind of vanity project does that!!?? (the purchaser was not, as far as we're aware, a relative or estranged lover) So, once we've got ourselves some new books written this will be the next step, and if anyone reading this would be interested in this future project then drop us a line.

We were also joined by Jasper, Ed's friend whom he was visiting the previous evening. Jasper is currently approaching the climax of a PhD around the area of international relations at Sussex Uni. Once finished, he may or may not become a vigilante called Viper Ninja. Together, these guys pack an intellectual punch. I can't quite remember what we started talking about first; mime artists, the economy or smoking, but the three are intrinsically linked. I'm going to be arranging a stag do imminently, and part of me is tempted to orchestrate it as a mime stag do, with only a phantom binge taking place. An interesting theory that arose from the discussion was how miming smoking would incur nearly all the same benefits as smoking (the social aspects) without any of the downsides (everything else). Fortunately we decided not to experiment with miming a cooked breakfast.

And so, the breakfast:

Vegetarian XL

2 falafel, mushrooms, 2 fried eggs, 2 hash browns, tomato, beans, toast

Montpelier Cafe Vegetarian XL - £5.45

I must admit I made a wee mistake when I ordered this one. It looks like it comes on a replica of Alan Partridge's famously big plate. I had originally planned to order the 'Vegetarian'; a smaller meal for £4.95 which was listed as "2 falafel, mushroom, egg, hash brown, tomato, beans and toast, with tea or filter coffee." Due to communication breakdown I ended up ordering the biggest vegetarian option possible (there was also a smaller third option), which was probably just as well as I'd already had two coffees by this point. This should hopefully convey the wide options available for the consummate fastbreaker. Indeed, this was my first encounter with a breakfast option that included a hot drink as part of the deal. A promising sign.

There were lots of promising signs really. The gingham tablecloths were a promising sign. The fact that this place had caught Ed's eye on the walk home from the pub was a promising sign. The fact that this place was listening to Heart FM (or something of that ilk) was a promising sign. These are all things that comfort me in a breakfast environment.

Another promising sign was the inclusion of hash browns. These are my favourite component of the cooked breakfast, and here they did not disappoint. Tenderly crisp on the outside, soft and gentle on the inside. This quality of cooking was mirrored in the other components; the egg yolks yielded gently to probing and warm yolk flowed bountifully, beans were hot and moist yet not too runny, the mushrooms and tomato pleasingly juicy. These classical components were in peak condition. Perhaps they could have had a bit more power to their flavours, but all in all everything was in the right place. And ultimately if one could argue that the flavours on show were unexceptional then there was one component that made up for this.

Ed and Jasper. Ninja Viper and Viper Ninja.

The inclusion of falafel in a cooked breakfast was an alien concept to me, but once I had actively experienced it I understood where the Montpelier Cafe was coming from. In terms of texture it fitted into the middle ground between the sausage and the hash brown, and in terms of flavour it perhaps brought something to the table that exceptional sausages often do. Specifically here the falafel had a strong minty edge. It added another dimension to the breakfast without stepping too far outside of the box, like adding a strange, minor seventh chord into an otherwise predictable song structure in 4/4 timing.

This was the formula for the Montpelier Cafe's success. It did all the basic things very well indeed, and then added a couple of embellishments to take things onto another level. A hot beverage coming with the smaller meal. Falafel. It was little touches like this that really made this a great bit of fastbreaking. At a price that was significantly lower than the previous places I've visited, I am curious as to the extent which location effects cost around these parts. We shall see. For the time being though, the standard has been set.

Function: not only feel-good food but giving a little something extra 5/5
Adherence to canon: Yes
Taste: everything was one could hope for, yet with surprises to be found 4/5
Value: accidentally spent more than I meant to yet still felt like a bargain 5/5
Presentation: looks a bit like a face, always a good thing 5/5
Venue: could have done with a wider variety of table-sizes but this is nitpicking 4/5

Overall: the breakfast bar is set - 4.5/5

You can buy Edward Knight's debut novel, For Myra, For Iris, here.
Jasper recommends the following films: Natural Born Killers, The Devil's Backbone, Tokyo Sonata, Adam's Apples, Howl, Humboldt County, Mulholland Drive and Nothing to Lose.
You can listen to incredible debut EP, Me Too, I'm A Painter, from (formerly) Brighton-based band, The Sneaky Frog and the Scoundrel, here. Should you so wish you can purchase it as well, for any amount you wish from £3 to £40 and beyond! Definitely worth a listen. Real good. Yeah.