Spending Time with Simon at Kemp Town Bistro

Simon Troupe and Duffy. A team.

February 2nd.

For the next couple of months these reviews are going to be inevitably tied up with football, seeing as I tend to have training on Saturday mornings and matches on Sundays. It was on the way home from training this Saturday that my next breakfast outing was scheduled. Whilst catching up with Simon during the walk back from Preston Park I mentioned the project to him. As he had yet to eat that day he suggested paying a visit to Kemp Town Bistro. It was as easy as that.

When it comes to people I've met since living in Brighton, Simon is one of the people I've known the longest. On the rare occasions that I have ventured into Brighton's dark underbelly, Simon has usually been present, giving plenty of encouragement, advise and compliments along the way. He is one of the best people I know at boosting morale in this manner (albeit usually under the influence of alcohol) and would probably do well as a motivational speaker. Since moving from an unsatisfying job at the Post Office to a satisfying job at a recruitment company I haven't been seeing him as much as previously, so this was a rather jolly opportunity to chew the fat some more, after discussing job satisfaction, annoyingly long television series, the enjoyment of learning and how great dogs are on the road up to Queens Park. He recommended watching The Secret Life of Dogs, narrated by Martin Clunes. That link will be active for a month, so best get in there quick if you are a fan of canines.

Simon had suggested that we go to the Kemp Town Deli and Bistro (I'll just refer to it as the Bistro as that was the part of it we used) as he had had positive food experiences there before. As a fan of positive food experiences this seemed like good advice, so after post-training showers the two of us, accompanied by his wee dog, Duffy, strolled down there for some fast-breaking.

The place is divided in two; on the one side you have the deli counter offering an exciting selection of cheeses amongst other things, and opposite this is the bistro. Forgoing the cheese for today, we sat down and began contemplating our orders. We were swiftly informed that due to high demand earlier in the day there was a slight delay of 20 minutes on any hot food orders, giving Simon a chance to collect some dry cleaning before we engaged with the food. I remained behind with Duffy, perusing one of the many newspapers that were available. This proved to be one of the main sources of Simon and I's entertainment that afternoon.

I can't remember which publication it was, but one of the dailies contained one a great piece of work from their display desk. A story about an Irish tycoon supposedly kidnapped by the Russian mafia and tortured for owing both them and the IRA money was positioned beautifully next to advert for free Penguin children's books, including works involving luminaries such as Peppa Pig, the Moomins and Spot the Dog. It almost looked as though Peppa Pig was working for the Russians, with her looking down with intense anger at the photograph of the tycoon. There was fire in her eyes. It reminded me a bit of the story of what inspired The Smiths to write 'Panic'; hearing Wham's 'I'm Your Man' immediately after a news report on the Chernobyl disaster. It also almost made me want to pursue a career in journalism. We had such a pleasant time nibbling at the newspapers that the 20 minutes passed swiftly.

And so, the breakfast:

Kemp Town Bistro Vegetarian Breakfast

2 Veggie Sausages, Fried Egg, Beans, Tomatoes, Toast 

Kemp Town Bistro Veggie Breakfast - £6

Look at those baked beans. This was a good start. A much more traditional breakfast, adhering fully to the canon and providing each component in decent quantities (2 tomato halves and 2 sausages is good business). The highlight here was the egg, fried to give the white a soft solidity yet leaving the yolk joyfully gooey, perfect for dipping the sausages into. As the photo shows, the toast was laid out ready and waiting with butter in place. The breakfast was a picture of action, eager to impress. Simon's rosti with chorizo, visible at the top of the picture, also looked juicily appetizing.

Duffy discussing Angela Carter.

Kemp Town Bistro needed to keep its composure though. Perhaps due to making us wait early they felt as though they needed to make it up to me and Simon by serving us as quickly as possible. There was a sense that certain elements had been rushed. The tomatoes, though abundant, were still quite firm and were slightly reticent to yield their sweet juices. The beans, though present, were merely warm rather than heartily hot. You can see from the stalk length of the mushrooms that these too were cooked swiftly, and perhaps could have benefited from having a bit more time to absorb the heady flavours of whatever it was they were cooked in. As it was, these three things were nice, yet not brilliant. Decent rather than exceptional. If I was to put the 'scathing food critic' hat on again (a hat not dissimilar to a viking hat) I could say that the eagerness to impress here was akin to a pre-pubescent teenager wearing aftershave. I'm not going to though.

The reason for this being that the Kemp Town Bistro was a delightful place to eat in. The layout was homely, with condiments readily provided and salt and pepper (along with newspapers) always being in easy reach. The table coverings also added to this feel, putting me at ease and making me comfortable. The atmosphere rubbed off on both the staff and customers and we (mainly Simon) had opportunity to exchange pleasantries with both during our time there. Although being eager to please can be a slight problem sometimes, on the whole it usually means that you're going to go into something with the right attitude. This visit was a great example of how a positive atmosphere can really improve the overall eating experience, elevating something that on its own is merely decent to downright enjoyable.

I learned another thing through Kemp Town Bistro's atmosphere, and that is the power of the dog. Many eateries would forbid dogs but Simon was allowed to happily bring Duffy in. The staff were delighted by her and all of the waitresses found time to come over to introduce themselves to her. Some could refer to a pet dog as a chick magnet. I'm not going to. I will be making enquiries into borrowing Duffy at some point in the future though.

Function: satisfyingly homely, yet less hearty 3/5
Adherence to canon: Yes
Taste: decent was the watchword, though top egg 3/5
Value: suitably abundant for the price 3/5
Presentation: no nonsense, meant business 3/5
Venue: delightfully friendly and caring 5/5

Overall: if the meal had been as warm as the service this would have been a real winner - 3.5/5