Charitable Chloe and Generous Graham take me to Inside Out

April 20th.

So there I was, counting down the days until pay day when I would be able to be frivolous with spending money on food again, when Chloe Stapleton asked me if I fancied going for a breakfast the following day. Her treat to me! Wowzers. I had braced myself for a dark few breakfast-less weekends but the big freeze was about to come to a premature end! No amount of exclamation marks can do justice to the excitement I felt at that specific moment!!! Well, three of them gives you a good idea.

After I gleefully agreed, Chloe got down to the business of researching fastbreaking venues. I had previously experienced Chloe's brilliant powers of organisation around the New Year's Eve period, 2012. Most of the plaudits for one of the greatest NYEs of my life must be given to her, as her efforts in orchestrating large-scale Lake District cottage inhabitation were first-class. Her current project is equally exciting; her and boyfriend Graham will be travelling up to the Isle of Skye in June for a holiday of walking, climbing and midge-swatting, amidst some of the most beautiful landscapes in Britain. As a big fan of small islands, walking, and Scotland, I am naturally very envious.

Chloe was keen to try somewhere new for breakfast, which suited me. The shortlist was whittled down to two venues; one on North Street if the weather was ok, and one in North Laine if the weather was lovely, as it had a good outdoor area. Come the day, the sun stood proudly in the sky, all clouds banished to less beautiful parts of the world, and we three marched to Inside Out to break our fasts.

I say three because we were also joined by boyfriend Graham Pether, an ace addition for two reasons. Firstly, the pair of them are both keen fastbreakers, and have been visiting the myriad food outlets of Brighton for an indeterminate amount of time on a quest to discover the finest eggs benedict that they can. A noble cause indeed. It gave the meal a very official air, as well as a fine sense of validation. This breakfast would be as much of a voyage of discovery for them as it would be for me.

Secondly, Graham is another one of my oldest friends, whom I have been comrades with since the tender age of 7. That's quite a bit of time. During this quite-a-bit-of-time we have done several things, been to several places, played several games of football, performed in several bands, embarked on several dice-based adventures and a whole load of equally exciting activities in between. In short, we are good pals who know each other very well.

All three of us happen to be in the same band at the moment, the previously mentioned Red Diamond Dragon Club, and we had performed a gig at very short notice only three days previously. This inevitably came up in conversation (as well as the super-exciting-I-want-to-come-too trip to Skye). This moved on to upcoming gigs. Both Chloe and Graham are fortunate enough to be going to see The Knife in a month's time (another super-exciting-I-want-to-come-too trip) and one that boggles the mind slightly. Prior to this chat I had no idea as to how they would perform their music live; reliance on samples, full band, strong visual element, giant bear suits? Graham informed me of the existence of this recorded performance which gives a good idea. I would love for us to have a strong visual side to our performances one day, but for now budgetary limitations are keeping that in the box labelled 'pipe dreams'. We will have to just utilise our bodies as best we can until the projectors and lasers can be acquired. At the moment they are serving us well, although Graham did come out with the following remark at one point:

"My fingers were quite slippery during Sex in the Attic."

That quotation doesn't need any qualification.

So, both talented chaps with good taste. I briefly posed them the question of, if they were to become radio DJs, what would their shows be like? Graham said that he would specialise in Northern Soul and funk, with perhaps a hint of opera. He would be like an avant-garde Craig Charles, forcing the Red Dwarf star into "the freakier zone". Chloe said that she would replicate Natasha "Bat For Lashes" Khan's recent BBC 6music guest slot, to the point of having Natasha do all the talking in between songs. Both of these would be wonderful. The idea of food radio arose from this. What a superb platform that would be, in order to discuss the merits of particular breakfasts and to debate the worthiness of certain items within the meal! If there was ever a place for a debate about the utilisation of fish (and fish substitutes) within the traditional cooked breakfast, it was the radio. Chloe needs to get a slot for her and Natasha Khan to ponder over this, pronto.

And so, the breakfast:

Veggie Breakfast

Egg, two veggie sausages, potato wedges, tomato, mushrooms, beans, toast and a choice of any tea or coffee

Veggie Breakfast - £6.95

So here was another slightly misleading menu, compounded by an equally misleading waiter. First of all I was informed that they had run out of veggie sausages. That was fine, I asked what they could offer as an alternative and roasted vegetables were proposed. Great, I thought, I really like those. Then the dish arrived complete with two things that looked vaguely sausage-like. OK, I thought, I guess they did have sausages after all. I was then asked if I would like any sauces, to which I asked whether I could have some ketchup. No ketchup ever came. I was too engrossed in the eating that I forgot to follow this up. I also failed to notice the complete absence of tomato as well (though I did notice the bonus rocket). Rocket isn't really an adequate substitute for tomato. Finally, the choice of any tea or coffee was actually limited to white or black coffee, or breakfast tea. Hmm.

A future Colin and Edith?

As I've said, I became very engrossed in eating. This was due to the fact that a lot of the meal was very tasty indeed. There was a lot of richness running about the plate for me to be grappling with, and this held me captivated. The beans were sharply fruity, bearing a taste that affirmed their individuality as a component of the meal. Butter had been thoroughly applied to both the mushrooms and the toast, giving both a creamy softness that was most becoming. Each of these three components were cooked faultlessly, and could have held their own on any dish.

The egg did not share this richness, but was well turned out. The white was crisp, yet the yolk had a princely runniness to it, regally gooey. I generally prefer my whites softer to this, but the exuberance of the silken gold that flooded over it meant that the firm, dappled albumen gave an exciting contrast.

Improvement could be made with the wedges and the sausages. The wedges were chunky and tasted wholesome, however the taste did not deviate from the traditional potato blueprint. Some extra seasoning in the cooking process would have made these more hearty, more interesting, and kept them up to speed with the top flavours on the march elsewhere on the plate. The sausages needed more work. Essentially bubble-and-squeak concoctions within crispy skins, there was an absence of flavour inside the crunchy husk, lending them an air of the comatose. In hindsight I would have certainly preferred some roast vegetables instead.

The most striking part of Inside Out as a venue is one that has little bearing on the act of eating. The cafe itself is pleasing enough; the outdoor terrace we sat on was perfect for a sunny afternoon, being positioned on the raised corner of a street which allows for an unobstructed vantage point of the top end of North Laine, and indoors was chic seating reminiscent of Park Güell in Barcelona. The real excitement however, is to be had in the toilet. Why? Because of the deployment of a one way mirror...

My view from the seat...

Crikey. Voyeurism for breakfast. I dread to think what depraved movements have been made within the safe ensconcement of that room. I decided against making depraved movements, but I imagine it would be pretty easy for someone to succumb to base urges whilst making use of the facilities. Urgh.

The one way mirror toilet situation is comparable to the breakfast of Inside Out in a way. Here we have an exciting component of the eaterie, which is present alongside other exciting components such as the sun terrace and Güell-esque seating inside. Unfortunately, these were slightly tarnished by an inaccurate menu and unhelpful waiting. So too with the breakfast; several exceptional components held back by pedestrian ones. Overall the meal was much better than other breakfasts I have had recently, but still a few steps behind true fastbreaking greatness. If you are an aficionado of quirky toilets though, this place is definitely for you.

Function: restorative richness 4/5
Adherence to canon: Yes
Taste: highs and lows 3/5
Value: costly, but comes with beverage 3/5
Presentation: well placed items, looks neat, hidden mushrooms though 3/5
Venue: definitely better on a sunny day 3/5

Overall: a cafe to capitalise on the sun - 3/5