Rendezvous with Ryan (who was subsequently surprised by Steve) at Rock Ola

March 23rd.

* disclaimer - the events I am about to document were followed by some severe binge drinking. If this type of activity is to be conducted at all, it is best conducted prior to the cooked breakfast rather than following it. Such decadent and foolhardy behaviour does not lend itself well to remembering with fondness the food of the past, although the chances of becoming reacquainted with it in the future are much greater *

On Saturday 23rd March, Ryan Howson left the world of teenagers and became a fully-fledged twentysomething. His longstanding ladyfriend, Bryony, needed to get him out of the house in order to set up a surprise party for him. What better way to do that than to get him into a cafe for a cooked breakfast? And so it was; I took one for the team and invited Ryan to join me for some food, hoping to preoccupy him for long enough so that Bry could inflate a multitude of balloons and lay out a delicious buffet of sweet, sweet nibbles.

Me and Ryan have previous when it comes to breakfasts. For his last birthday we were the only two that made it to Buddies post-party (Buddies being one of the most notorious late-night eateries, and one which will inevitably rear its ugly/noble head on here in the near future). It now feels like a comforting tradition; a ritual that will need to be carried out until the end of our days.

Ryan is a very dependable guy. In dark moments he has been there to pick up the slack of others. I distinctly remember one evening, when I was feeling low after someone had called off a meet-up at the last minute due to ill-health, Ryan answered a call to the pub very late in the day. We had a good night, and he was able to offer the companionship that I was sorely lacking. That's the kind of guy Sweet Hands is; dependable and willing to give his all. From this point onwards I shall be addressing him by his nickname, Sweet Hands. It takes a special kind of person to develop a flamboyant nickname and have it stick. Sweet Hands is a subtle beast, rather like the three-toed sloth or sausage dog (Sweet Hands' favourite breed of dog). This is a turning into a bit of a digression so I'll leave it at that.

For his birthday another surprise was brewing. We were going to be met at the cafe of choice by Steve Kelly, one of my oldest and most long-suffering comrades. He was going to be wearing his King Arthur costume. A potentially terrifying scenario for the unprepared, but one that should have proved to be joyous for Sweet Hands. And joyous it did prove. I think. His precise words were, "Is Steve supposed to be here?" That reads as quite joyous. Doesn't it?

Obviously conversation focused mainly on the fact that it was Sweet Hands' birthday. It's not everyday that you leave the teenage years behind. All three of us are fans of computer games though, so this occupied a good 40% of the chat. Two engrossing games have been released relatively recently; Ni No Kuni: Wrath of the White Witch and SimCity (the former leading me to write a wee bit about video games in general elsewhere), and we had a nice little discussion about their merits and foibles. Unfortunately I cannot remember too much about the details of this, due to what was to come.

We also briefly chatted about animal masks (10% of the chat), and I duly presented Ryan with his present; a tiger mask complete with whiskers and fluffy eyebrows. I hope to see him wear this a good deal throughout his twenties. The mask, once on the table, attracted a few worried glances from customers and waitresses alike, and if you are looking to attract positive attention from a waitress I would definitely recommend a small dog over an animal mask.

And so, the breakfast:

Veggie American Style

 2 eggs, 2 veggie bacon, 2 veggie pattie burgers, hash brown, grilled tomato, 3 buttermilk pancakes & syrup

Veggie American Style - £5.95

Rock Ola is an American-style diner with a rock 'n' roll theme (note the jukebox in the picture below!), and so understandably the breakfast itself has a few items involved that wouldn't be seen within a fifty mile radius of certain greasy spoons. I had previously experienced an American-style cooked breakfast whilst the project was at a nascent stage, so I was excited to tackle another one now that I had a wealth of veggie breakfast under my (gradually loosening) belt.

You can see that there's a bowl of beans in the corner of the shot here. I shelled out an extra 75p for the privilege as I thought that the meal would be too dry for my taste without. I had, however, not reckoned on the moist prowess of the eggs, tomato, and what turned out to be the breakfast's secret weapon, the syrup. As such, I shall be writing this review as though the beans were never there, and indeed I ended up eating the majority of them separately from the rest of the meal. In hindsight I shall be avoiding the purchase of extras. It's just not fair to do so!

Anyway, moisture was forthcoming from the tomatoes and two eggs. The toms were both sweet and juicy, grilled so that they maintained good body whilst intensifying flavour. The eggs' yolks were slightly watery, which was useful in this context but gave them an inhibited taste. The whites were more solid though and contained the yolk pleasingly, as well as proving to be filling. These components were decent enough.

The other, more common, components were the hash brown and the veggie bacon. The hash brown was spot on in the classic style; served with the crunchy and crisp outer shell, coating a warm and homely potatoey inside. Delightfully armadillo-esque. The bacon was sadly not armadillo-esque, though a step up from previous veggie bacon. It was drier than the last strip I'd tasted, though still lacking in real strong flavours. It did link up well though with the syrup...

Breakfast came with a candle for the birthday boy (right)

And so, the more American components. The syrup, pancakes and pattie burgers. The bacon went very well with the syrup, which almost managed to cover up the flavourless strips' shortcomings. The syrup also went well with the pattie burgers, which were also lacking in strong flavours. They reminded me of finger food that you get at buffets; dry, cute and slightly akin to crisps in taste. They would have fitted better on the table along with all the other tidbits Bryony had asssembled for Sweet Hands' surprise party. The syrup also, more obviously, went well with the pancakes. I was hoping these would be a bit bigger and less like Scotch pancakes. They were soft and could have been warmer. I would have liked to have had more of an opportunity to taste them alongside some stronger, more savoury moistness, but as the tomatoes and egg yolk were required for the fried dry components I had to favour using the syrup.

Following my last American cooked breakfast experience I was sceptical as to whether a meal following a formula from the other side of the Atlantic would be able to make a positive impression on me. I had been given glowing reports from other friends though, so I was open to having my opinion severely challenged. This one did better than the last one without beans, but was let down by a couple of components lacking in great flavours and/or not being served up to their full potential. I was left feeling that the whole thing was merely adequate, as though it was something quirky to be consumed as a stop-gap until a better meal came along. Overall then, it probably was more of an animal mask of a breakfast rather than a small dog; it was more of a curious diversion, a one-off, rather than a dedicated and loving lifestyle choice. The search for the Great American Breakfast continues.

Function: felt like a novelty meal 2/5
Adherence to canon: beans were absent friends - No
Taste: generally lacking in some areas 2/5
Value: nice variety for your money though not top of the range 3/5
Presentation: colourful plate, squeezy condiment bottles 3/5
Venue: pleasant and chirpy 3/5

Overall: lacking in the excitement and punchiness that rock 'n' roll exemplifies - 2/5

* Apologies for the vagueness and poor writing of this entry. I think they are symptomatic of the events surrounding the breakfast. I could have written more detailed notes at the time, or perhaps finished my write-up sooner than I have. This approach would have led to a better finished post, but I fear would not have done justice to the annual event that is a Sweet Hands birthday. *